A mother–child relationship is one of the strongest, closest and most powerful bonds that human beings experience. The extremely influential psychiatrist John Bowlby certainly thought motherlove was crucial to a good upbringing; he considered that experience of attachment to a mother figure was crucial to a sense of self, and that loss of a mother figure – for whatever reason, including work – was likely to lead to delinquency. His views shaped government policy in the UK for many years, and through his role at the World Health Organization (WHO), his views were exported worldwide. There are still echoes of his magnum opus ‘Child Care and the Growth of Love’ in today's WHO policy, which promotes the idea of ‘loving nurturing care’, best undertaken by a mother or mother substitute. In this scenario, the infant is the focus of continuous attention, no matter what other obligations the mother might have. WHO policy argues that this maternal care is analogous to adequate nutrition for a growing body. Without proper loving care, children are being starved of what they need to grow, and their development is thwarted. Their brains in effect become stunted.

It is mainly in Western societies that ‘loving nurturing care’ is understood to mean that children should be at the centre of their parents’ attention. This week I was in a local shop with closely packed shelves and restricted aisle space. A mother had parked her pushchair almost blocking the aisle and kept addressing her child in a loud voice about what they were doing: ‘Look what mummy's found. Some spaghetti. Are you playing with teddy? He's in a good mood today. Look, he's sitting up’ and so on. This dyadic behaviour, and exclusive chattering focus on her child, to the oblivion of everyone else around, might conceivably be called good parenting. But in other circumstances, it might be considered as downright rude. I have sat in at meetings of mothers and young children in small non-Western rural communities, where mothers very quietly and unobtrusively encouraged their children to be aware of others and not to disturb the meeting, attentiveness to and consideration of others being a highly valued and necessary skill in societies where people live closely together in communities that are closely and mutually interdependent.