Me

A while before spending the night, I learned that remaining into the evening without pre-negotiation was a step too far. I had failed to appreciate the significance of staying across shifts and routines, or of the specific cut-off point in the night, after which external parts of the prison are closed down and personal possessions locked in – the night patrol. I was saved from exhausting goodwill by running into a senior, security officer with whom I had established some familiarity. She immediately understood the reason for my wanting to be there, both at that point of day and the occasion. My presence was undoubtedly perceived as a nuisance but proved moderately useful in allowing officers to attend to the evening routine when the needs of one prisoner threatened to derail it.

I was there to hear the men, listening to a much-anticipated football game. I was holding out for a goal for the home team, and the celebratory banging I had been advised would be sure to follow. Stevie had been cutting himself and, given how unpredictably he was given to spiral, was allowed to remain out of cell after everyone else had been locked away. We talked as he waited for medical attention. What looked to me like a need for rather basic, but important first aid, appeared to have been designated the responsibility of someone else, or at least something that might be tended to in the fullness of time. His challenge to bear witness without flinching imposed a strange intimacy. Stevie taught me much about the complexities and contradictions of ethics in praxis as well as the absence of clarity which characterized decisions about the ‘right’ thing to do. These discomforting exchanges were as instructive as they were challenging, typifying the development of my relationship to people and place as I strove for deeper understanding.

“I can’t”

It is a prisoner who informs staff that Stevie has cut himself: ‘He's pouring blood. It's all over his cell floor. Someone needs to go see him.’ He informs several members of staff, talking to everyone and no one in particular, catching my eye.