This chapter examines the discursive role of plaustrum, first plotting out its reliable representation in Latin literary texts as the sturdy uehiculum par excellence, repeatedly defined as a functional tool for agricultural (and other) hauling. It then moves on to unpack the different versions of two crucial episodes in which the conveyance is represented delivering much more, for the Roman republic – even saving it from disaster: first, before the Gallic occupation of Rome after the battle of the Allia in 390 BCE, Albinius’ legendary lending of his plaustrum for the delivery of the very religious life of the city; and second, in 311 BCE, the dramatic walk-out of the tibicines, and their drugged recovery by means of plaustra. In particular, Ovid’s version of the tale in the Fasti serves as an entrée to the final section of the chapter, which investigates the deep-seated metapoetics of this clunkiest and lowest of Roman vehicles.