Published online by Cambridge University Press: 22 September 2009
When you live in the water, you don't argue with the crocodiles.
(Bengali proverb)Prologue
In Bangladesh in September of 1993, I accompanied a group of rural women from Tangail who were members of Save the Children women's groups on their visit with rural women of Kustia who were members of Soptagram women's savings groups. On the afternoon of the third day, as we walked from a workshop on women's legal rights to a meeting between the women's groups, we heard shrieks of terror coming from a household compound on the other side of a rice field. “What's going on?” I asked. Sahara, a Tangail woman, turned to me with anger and a memory of terror in her eyes and hit her right first into her cupped left hand. She had experienced domestic violence and recognized the sounds from across the field.
After a time, Sahara asked, “Do husbands beat their wives in your country?” “Some do,” I answered, “even though it is illegal.” We all laughed at the irony, having just learned about women's formal legal rights in Bangladesh and noting how they differed from local practice.
“Why do men hit their wives?” I asked. “Because they had a bad day. Because they are poor,” answered Sahara. “Because the rice is too hot, or there is not enough rice,” said Apfza, a woman from Kustia. Then she added, “A good husband does not beat his wife even when they are poor.”
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