If I had one love, it was the one who sat
naked all night with me in the shower
after sex when I couldn't sleep, when I
hadn't slept for weeks, and made believe
we were in a rainforest on the other
side of the world and the water that fell
was a storm warmed by the equator,
the beat of the party beyond the wall
the death song of cicadas, therain's
rapid chatter off the giant leaves
our talk, the breathing of the giant trees
our breath;
caught once in a downpour
I crawled under a roof of hawthorn,
woven trunks a chair, window made of rain.
He came and sat with me, weightless yet warm –
a human warmth I hadn't known for years –
all I left behind come to join me here,
the whole my body makes of two halves
when it is alone, when I have walked far
enough into the woods to out-walk my death.
Rain shivered like glass held to the light
and I slipped out of mind or maybe I slept
when what came through me was another's breath.
Selves collapse; time stands outside its box.
The exact next moment belongs to the fox
who walked through me the morning I was halfasleep,
half-awake, awake to another world,
a big dark dog fox blood-dark rising from the path
I'd stepped onto from the woods, trees a-blur
with rain, my material self forming from a slur
of slate grey dawn-light. A paw, claw-tipped,
peeled from my chest and the rest turned
a pirouette as if my skin was mist, as if my flesh
had shifted each atom – iron blooming
in my mouth, a lightning hit, hands tingling;
close-up its eyes were lit windows
where grandmother fox sat at her sewing,
then, it was merely a fox that had stopped,
startled by the human it had almost touched.
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