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2 - Why Do People Seek Intimate Relationships?

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  21 June 2019

Charles T. Hill
Affiliation:
Whittier College, California
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Summary

Maslow argued that the set of needs listed on the bottom must be met first; then when each set is met, the next higher set emerges. While it is true that the bottom level is necessary for survival, the answers to the cognitive and aesthetic needs teach us how to meet all of the other needs. And meeting social needs provides social support to cope with the stresses involved in meeting needs. Hence, the hierarchical nature of the needs can be questioned.

Social and other needs provide reasons and goals for seeking intimate relationships. Baumeister and Leary (1995) argued that humans have a fundamental need for belonging, and this is included as relatedness along with autonomy and competence as three primary motivations in Self-Determination Theory (Ryan & Deci, 2017). A lack of interpersonal relationships can lead to loneliness (Peplau & Perlman, 1982). Weiss (1974) distinguished between two types of loneliness: emotional (due to lack of intimate relationships) and social (due to lack of a social network). DiTommaso and Spinner (1997) further distinguished between romantic emotional loneliness and family emotional loneliness. Hence, avoiding loneliness is a major reason for seeking an intimate relationship. In the Boston Couples Study, those who broke up reported feeling lonely and depressed (Hill, Rubin, & Peplau, 1976). In addition, loneliness is a major risk factor for mortality, as important as physical factors (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015).

Type
Chapter
Information
Intimate Relationships across Cultures
A Comparative Study
, pp. 36 - 51
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2019

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