Skip to main content Accessibility help

We use cookies to distinguish you from other users and to provide you with a better experience on our websites. Close this message to accept cookies or find out how to manage your cookie settings.

Close cookie message
×
Hostname: page-component-6bf8c574d5-956mj Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2025-02-15T12:21:48.757Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

5 - Rejection Sensitivity: A Model of How Individual Difference Factors Affect the Experience of Hurt Feelings in Conflict and Support

from PART II - CONCEPTUALIZING HURT

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  04 August 2010

By
N. Jan Kang ,
Geraldine Downey ,
Masumi Iida  and
Sylvia Rodriguez
Edited by
Anita L. Vangelisti
Anita L. Vangelisti
Affiliation:
University of Texas, Austin
Get access

Summary

Everyone experiences hurt feelings in close relationships – a mother publicly criticizes her daughter, a boyfriend doesn't offer to pick his girlfriend up from the airport, or a woman chooses not to confide in her best friend. Although hurt feelings can be experienced in any interpersonal context, they are more likely to occur in close relationships. What leads to hurt feelings may differ for individuals, but studies highlight several commonalities. “Feeling hurt” has been conceptualized as an emotional interpersonal response (Leary, Springer, Negel, Ansell & Evans, 1998; Vangelisti, 1994) to a devaluation (Leary et al., 1998) or relational transgression (Vangelisti, 2001). One can respond to hurt feelings in both constructive (i.e., increasing understanding of one's partner) and unconstructive ways (e.g., lashing out in anger). Maladaptive responses to feeling hurt can have negative consequences including lower self-esteem and relational distancing (Vangelisti, 2001) or retaliation (Ayduk, Downey, Testa, Yen, & Shoda, 1999).

Hurtful events may occur more frequently to or be felt more intensely by some individuals than others. A teenager may interpret ridicule as the end of the world, whereas a 30-year-old may be more poised to shrug it off. The new kid in school may find himself the subject of bullying more often than his classmates. Individual differences in personality dispositions can also explain some of the variability in hurtful experiences and responses to them. This variability can have significant consequences for emotional and physical health (see Loving, Le, and Crockett, Chapter 17, this volume).

Type
Chapter
Information
Feeling Hurt in Close Relationships , pp. 73 - 91
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2009

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Ayduk, O., Downey, G., Kim, M. (2001). Rejection sensitivity and depressive symptoms in women. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 868–877.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Ayduk, O., Downey, G., Testa, A., Yen, Y., & Shoda, Y. (1999). Does rejection elicit hostility in rejection sensitive women? Social Cognition, 17, 245–271.CrossRef
Baldwin, M. W., Fehr, B., Keedian, E., Seidel, M., & Thomson, D. W. (1993). An exploration of the relational schemata underlying attachment styles: Self-report and lexical decision approaches. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 19, 746–754.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Baldwin, M. W., & Keelan, J. P. R. (1999). Interpersonal expectations as a function of self-esteem and sex. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16, 822–833.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Berenson, K., Kang, N. J., & Downey, G. (2009). The adult rejection sensitivity questionnaire (A-RSO). Manuscript in preparation.
Bolger, N., Davis, A., & Rafaeli, E. (2003). Diary methods: Capturing life as it is lived. Annual Review of Psychology, 54, 579–616.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Bolger, N., & Eckenrode, J. (1991). Social relationships, personality, and anxiety during a major stressful event. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61, 440–449.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Bolger, N., & Schilling, E. A. (1991). Personality and the problems of everyday life: The role of neuroticism in exposure and reactivity to daily stressors. Journal of Personality, 59, 355–386.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Bolger, N., & Zuckerman, A. (1995). A framework for studying personality in the stress process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 890–902.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Bradbury, T. N., Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 964–980.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Branje, S. J. T., Lieshout, C. F. M., & Aken, M. A. G. (2004). Relations between Big Five prsonality characteristics and perceived support in adolescents' families. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 86, 615–628.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Campbell, L., Simpson, J. A., Boldry, J., & Kashy, D. A. (2005). Perceptions of conflict and support in romantic relationships: The role of attachment anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88, 510–531.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Cobb, R. J., Davila, J., & Bradbury, T. N. (2001). Attachment security and marital satisfaction: The role of positive perceptions and social support. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 1131–1143.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98, 310–357.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Collins, N. L. (1996). Working models of attachment: Implications for explanation, emotion, and behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 810–832.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2004). Working models of attachment shape perceptions of social support: Evidence from experimental and observational studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87, 363–383.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Coyne, J. C. (1976). Toward an interactional description of depression. Journal for the Study of Interpersonal Processes, 39, 28–40.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Cutrona, C. E. (1996). Social support in couples: Marriage as a resource in times of stress. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Cutrona, C. E., & Russell, D. (1987). The provisions of social relationships and adaptation to stress. In Jones, W. H. & Perlman, D. (Eds.), Advances in personal relationships (pp. 37–67). Greenwich: JAI Press.Google Scholar
Cutrona, C. E., Russell, D. W., & Gardner, K. A. (2005). The relationship enhancement model of social support. In Revenson, T. A., Kayser, K., & Bodenmann, G. (Eds.), Couples coping with stress: Emerging perspectives on dyadic coping (pp. 73–95). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Dandeneau, S. D., & Baldwin, M. W. (2004). The inhibition of socially rejection information among people with high versus low self-esteem: The role of attentional bias and the effects of bias reduction training. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 23, 584–602.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Dehle, C., & Landers, J. E. (2005). You can't always get what you want, but can you get what you need? Personality traits and social support in marriage. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 24, 1051–1076.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Downey, G., & Feldman, S. (1996). Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 1327–1343.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Downey, G., Freitas, A. L., Michaelis, B., & Khouri, H. (1998). The self-fulfilling prophecy in close relationships: Rejection sensitivity and rejection by romantic partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 545–56.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Downey, G., Khouri, H., & Feldman, S. I. (1997). Early interpersonal trauma and later adjustment: The mediational role of rejection sensitivity. In Cicchetti, D. & Toth, S. L. (Eds.), Developmental perspectives on trauma: Theory, research, and intervention (pp. 85–114). Rochester, NY: University of Rochester Press.Google Scholar
Downey, G., Mougios, V., Ayduk, O., London, B. E., & Shoda, Y. (2004). Rejection sensitivity and the defensive motivational system: Insights from the startle response to rejection cues. Psychological Science, 15, 668–673.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Feeney, J. A. (2004). Hurt feelings in close relationships: Towards integrative models of the negative effects of hurtful events. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21, 487–508.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Florian, V., Mikulincer, M., & Bucholtz, I. (1995). Effects of adult attachment style on the perception and search for social support. Journal of Psychology: Interdisciplinary and Applied, 129, 665–676.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Goldberg, L. R. (1981). Language and individual differences: The search for universals in personality lexicons. In Wheeler, L. (Ed.), Review of personality and social psychology (pp. 141–165). Beverly Hills, CA: Sage.Google Scholar
Iida, M., Seidman, G., Shrout, P. E., Fujita, K., & Bolger, N. (2008). Modeling support provision in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94, 260–278.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Joiner, T., & Coyne, J. C. (Eds). (1999). The interactional nature of depression: Advances in interpersonal approaches. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.CrossRef
Joiner, T. E., Metalsky, G. L., Gencoz, F., & Gencoz, T. (2001). The relative specificity of excessive reassurance-seeking to depressive symptoms and diagnoses among clinical samples of adults and youth. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment, 23, 35–41.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kobak, R. R., & Sceery, A. (1988). Attachment in late adolescence: Working models, affect regulation, and representations of self and others. Child Development, 59, 135–146.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Kurdek, L. A. (1988). Perceived social support in gays and lesbians in cohabitating relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54, 504–509.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Leary, M. R., Springer, C., Negel, L.Ansell, E., & Evans, K. (1998). The causes, phenomenology, and consequences of hurt feelings. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 1225–1237.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Lutz, C. J., & Lakey, B. (2001). How people make support judgments: Individual differences in the traits used to infer supportiveness in others. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81, 1070–1079.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Mischel, W., & Shoda, Y. (1995). A cognitive-affective system theory of personality: Reconceptualizing situations, dispositions, dynamics, and invariance in personality structure. Psychological Review, 102, 246–268.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (2000). Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: How perceived regard regulates attachment processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 478–498.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Murray, S. L., Rose, P., Bellavia, G. M., Holmes, J. G., & Kusche, A. G. (2002). When rejection stings: How self-esteem constrains relationship-enhancement processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83, 556–573.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Niedenthal, P. M., Brauer, M., Robin, L. & Innes-Ker, A. H. (2002). Adult attachment and the perception of facial expression of emotion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82, 419–33.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Powers, S. I., Pietromonaco, P. R., Gunlicks, M., & Sayer, A. (2006). Dating couples' attachment styles and patterns of cortisol reactivity and recovery in response to a relationship conflict. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90, 613–628.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Purdie, V., & Downey, G. (2000). Rejection sensitivity and adolescent girls' vulnerability to relationship-centered difficulties. Child Maltreatment: Journal of the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children, 5, 338–349.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In Duck, S. W. (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships (pp. 367–389). New York: Wiley.Google Scholar
Sarason, B. R., Pierce, G. R., & Sarason, I. G. (1990). Social support: The sense of acceptance and the role of relationships. In Sarason, B. R., Sarason, I. G., & Pierce, G. R. (Eds.), Social support: An interactional view (pp. 97–128). Oxford: Wiley.Google Scholar
Senchak, M., & Leonard, K. E. (1992). Attachment styles and marital adjustment among newlywed couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 9, 51–64.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Sprecher, S. (1988). Investment model, equity, and social support determinants of relationship commitment. Social Psychology Quarterly, 51, 318–328.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Swann, W. B., Wenzlaff, R. M., Krull, D. S., & Pelham, B. W. (1992). Allure of negative feedback: Self-verification strivings among depressed persons. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 101, 293–306.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Vangelisti, A. L. (1994). Messages that hurt. In Cupach, W. R. & Spitzberg, B. H. (Eds.), The dark side of interpersonal communication (pp. 53–82). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Vangelisti, A. L. (2001). Making sense of hurtful interactions in close relationships: When hurt feelings create distance. In Manusov, V. E. & Harvey, J. H. (Eds.), Attribution, communication behavior, and close relationships (pp. 38–58). New York: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar
Wade, C. K., Howell, F. M., & Wells, J. G. (1994). Turning to family, friends or others: A model of social network usage during stressful events. Sociological Spectrum, 14, 385–407.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Weiss, R. L. & Summers, K. J. (1983). Marital Interaction Coding System III. In Filsinger, E. E. (Ed.), A sourcebook of marriage and family assessment (pp. 85–115). Beverly Hills, CA: Sage.Google Scholar
White, G. L. (1981). Some correlates of romantic jealousy. Journal of Personality, 49, 129–1981.CrossRefGoogle Scholar

Save book to Kindle

To save this book to your Kindle, first ensure [email protected] is added to your Approved Personal Document E-mail List under your Personal Document Settings on the Manage Your Content and Devices page of your Amazon account. Then enter the ‘name’ part of your Kindle email address below. Find out more about saving to your Kindle.

Note you can select to save to either the @free.kindle.com or @kindle.com variations. ‘@free.kindle.com’ emails are free but can only be saved to your device when it is connected to wi-fi. ‘@kindle.com’ emails can be delivered even when you are not connected to wi-fi, but note that service fees apply.

Find out more about the Kindle Personal Document Service.

Available formats
×

Save book to Dropbox

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Dropbox.

Available formats
×

Save book to Google Drive

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Google Drive.

Available formats
×