Skip to main content Accessibility help

We use cookies to distinguish you from other users and to provide you with a better experience on our websites. Close this message to accept cookies or find out how to manage your cookie settings.

Close cookie message
×
Hostname: page-component-cd9895bd7-hc48f Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2025-01-03T10:33:47.797Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

10 - Affairs and Infidelity

from PART III - HURTFUL ACTS

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  04 August 2010

By
Graham Allan  and
Kaeren Harrison
Edited by
Anita L. Vangelisti
Anita L. Vangelisti
Affiliation:
University of Texas, Austin
Get access

Summary

INTRODUCTION

This chapter is concerned with people's emotional responses to extradyadic relationships and in particular the hurt that is experienced when they occur. Given the enormous interest in popular culture about such relationships and the potential impact they have on family dynamics, including of course separation and divorce, surprisingly little research has been concerned directly with understanding the patterning and consequences of different forms of extrapartnership involvement. Some related topics have been researched more than others. For example, the incidence of extramarital sex has been examined in a number of studies (Haavio-Mannila & Kontula, 2003; Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994; Treas & Giesen, 2000; Wellings, Fields, Johnson, & Wadsworth, 1994; Wiederman, 1997), as have feelings of jealousy in response to the discovery of a partner's infidelity (e.g., Buss, Larsen, Westen, & Semmelroth, 1992; Buunk & Dijkstra, 2006; Harris, 2003). But there has been limited research explicitly examining the social or psychological impact of extrapartnership involvement, particularly outside clinical settings (Olson, Russell, Higgins-Kessler, & Miller, 2002). Perhaps this is not surprising given the secret as well as sensitive nature of the topic, but as a consequence extensive or detailed information about people's actual experiences of extrapartnership involvement, including the hurt they experience, is not readily available.

Type
Chapter
Information
Feeling Hurt in Close Relationships , pp. 191 - 208
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2009

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Allan, G. (2004). Being unfaithful: His and her affairs. In Duncombe, J., Harrison, K., Allan, G., & Marsden, D. (Eds.), The state of affairs: Explorations in infidelity and commitment (pp. 121–140). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Allan, G., & Harrison, K. (2002). Marital affairs. In Goodwin, R. & Cramer, D. (Eds.), Inappropriate relationships (pp. 45–63). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Allen, E. S., Atkins, D. C., Baucom, D. H., Snyder, D. K., Gordon, K. C., & Glass, S. P. (2005). Intrapersonal, interpersonal, and contextual factors in engaging in and responding to extramarital involvement. Clinical Psychology–Science and Practice, 12, 101–130.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People's reasons for divorcing: Gender, social class, the life course, and adjustment. Journal of Family Issues, 24, 602–626.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Becker, D. V., Sagarin, B. J., Guadagno, R. E., Millevoi, A., & Nicastle, L. D. (2004). When the sexes need not differ: Emotional responses to the sexual and emotional aspects of infidelity. Personal Relationships, 11, 529–538.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Boekhout, B. A., Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (1999). Relationship infidelity: A loss perspective. Journal of Personal and Interpersonal Loss, 4, 97–123.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Buss, D. M., Larsen, R. J., Westen, D., & Semmelroth, J. (1992). Sex differences in jealousy: Evolution, physiology, and psychology. Psychological Science, 3, 251–255.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Buunk, B. P., & Dijkstra, P. (2004). Men, women and infidelity: Sex differences in extradyadic sex and jealousy. In Duncombe, J., Harrison, K., Allan, G., & Marsden, D. (Eds.), The state of affairs: Explorations in infidelity and commitment (pp. 103–120). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Buunk, B. P., & Dijkstra, P. (2006). Temptations and threat: Extradyadic relations and jealousy. In Vangelisti, A. L. & Perlman, D. (Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (pp. 533–555). New York: Cambridge University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Cancian, F. (1987). Love in America: Gender and self-development. New York: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar
Cann, A., Mangum, J. L., & Wells, M. (2001). Distress in response to relationship infidelity: The roles of gender and attitudes about relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 38, 185–190.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Cherlin, A. J. (2004). The deinstitutionalization of American marriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 848–861.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Cramer, R. E., Abraham, W. T., Johnson, L. M., & Manning-Ryan, B. (2001). Gender differences in subjective distress to emotional and sexual infidelity: Evolutionary or logical inference explanation?Current Psychology, 20, 327–336.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
DeSteno, D. A., Bartlett, M. Y., Salovey, P., & Braverman, J. (2002). Sex differences in jealousy: Evolutionary mechanism or artifact of measurement?Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83, 1103–1116.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
DeSteno, D. A., & Salovey, P. (1996). Evolutionary origins of sex differences in jealousy? Questioning the “fitness” of the model. Psychological Science, 7, 367–372.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Feeney, J. A. (2005). Hurt feelings in couple relationships: Exploring the role of attachment and perceptions of personal injury. Personal Relationships, 12, 253–271.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Giddens, A. (1992). The transformation of intimacy. Cambridge: Polity Press.Google Scholar
Guerrero, L., Spitzberg, B. H., & Yoshimura, S. (2004). Sexual and emotional jealousy. In Harvey, J., Wenzel, A., & Sprecher, S. (Eds.), The handbook of sexuality in close relationships (pp. 311–345). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (2003). Single and double sexual standards in Finland, Estonia, and St. Petersburg. Journal of Sex Research, 40, 36–49.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Harris, C. R. (2003). A review of sex differences in sexual jealousy, including self-report data, psychophysiological responses, interpersonal violence, and morbid jealousy. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 7, 102–128.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Johnson, M. P. (1995). Patriarchal terrorism and common couple violence: Two forms of violence against women. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 57, 283–294.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Knapp, M. (2006). Lying and deception in close relationships. In Vangelisti, A. L. & Perlman, D. (Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (pp. 517–532). New York: Cambridge University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kontula, O., & Haavio-Mannila, E. (2004). Renaissance of romanticism in the era of increasing individualism. In Duncombe, J., Harrison, K., Allan, G., & Marsden, D. (Eds.), The state of affairs: Explorations in infidelity and commitment (pp. 79–102). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Laumann, E., Gagnon, J., Michael, R., & Michaels, S. (1994). The social organization of sexuality: Sexual practices in the United States. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.Google Scholar
Lawson, A. (1988). Adultery: An analysis of love and betrayal. New York: Basic Books.Google Scholar
Leary, M. R. (2001). Toward a conceptualization of interpersonal rejection. In Leary, M. R. (Ed.), Interpersonal rejection (pp. 3–20). New York: Oxford University.Google Scholar
Leary, M. R., & Springer, C. A. (2001). Hurt feelings: The neglected emotion. In Kowalski, R. M. (Ed.), Behaving badly: Aversive behaviors in interpersonal relationships (pp. 151–175). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Leary, M. R., Springer, C., Negel, L., Ansell, E., & Evans, K. (1998). The causes, phenomenology, and consequences of hurt feelings. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 1225–1237.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Olson, M. M., Russell, C. S., Higgins-Kessler, M., & Miller, R. B. (2002). Emotional processes following disclosure of an extramarital affair. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 28, 423–434.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Orbuch, T. (1992). A symbolic interactionist approach to the study of relationship loss. In Orbuch, T. (Ed.), Close relationship loss: Theoretical approaches (pp. 192–204). New York: Springer-Verlag.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Reibstein, J., & Richards, M. (1992). Sexual arrangements: Marriage and affairs. London: Heinemann.Google Scholar
Richardson, L. (1985). The new other woman: Contemporary single women in affairs with married men. New York: Free Press.Google Scholar
Richardson, L. (1988). Sexual freedom and sexual constraint: The paradox for single women in liaisons with married men. Gender and Society, 2, 368–384.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Smock, P. (2004). The wax and wane of marriage: Prospects for marriage in the 21st century. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 966–973.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual infidelity among married and cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 48–60.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Vangelisti, A. L. (1994). Messages that hurt. In Cupach, W. R. & Spitzberg, B. H. (Eds.), The dark side of interpersonal communication (pp. 53–82). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Vangelisti, A. L. (2001). Making sense of hurtful interactions in close relationships. In Manusov, V. & Harvey, J. H. (Eds.), Attribution, communication behavior and close relationships (pp. 38–58). New York: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar
Vangelisti, A. L., & Gerstenberger, M. (2004). Communication and marital infidelity. In Duncombe, J., Harrison, K., Allan, G., & Marsden, D. (Eds.), The state of affairs: Explorations in infidelity and commitment (pp. 59–78). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Weber, A. (1992). An account-making process: A phenomenological approach. In Orbuch, T. (Ed.), Close relationship loss: Theoretical approaches (pp. 174–191). New York: Springer-Verlag.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Weeks, J., Heaphy, B., & Donovan, C. (2001). Same sex intimacies: Families of choice and other life experiments. London: Routledge.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Wellings, K., Fields, J., Johnson, A., & Wadsworth, J. (1994). Sexual behaviour in Britain. London: Penguin.Google Scholar
White, G. L. (1981). Jealousy and partner's perceived motives for attraction to a rival. Social Psychology Quarterly, 44, 24–30.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Wiederman, M. W. (1997). Extramarital sex: Prevalence and correlates in a national survey. Journal of Sex Research, 34, 167–174.CrossRefGoogle Scholar

Save book to Kindle

To save this book to your Kindle, first ensure [email protected] is added to your Approved Personal Document E-mail List under your Personal Document Settings on the Manage Your Content and Devices page of your Amazon account. Then enter the ‘name’ part of your Kindle email address below. Find out more about saving to your Kindle.

Note you can select to save to either the @free.kindle.com or @kindle.com variations. ‘@free.kindle.com’ emails are free but can only be saved to your device when it is connected to wi-fi. ‘@kindle.com’ emails can be delivered even when you are not connected to wi-fi, but note that service fees apply.

Find out more about the Kindle Personal Document Service.

Available formats
×

Save book to Dropbox

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Dropbox.

Available formats
×

Save book to Google Drive

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Google Drive.

Available formats
×