Alone
Published online by Cambridge University Press: 12 January 2023
Summary
She gets along better with Papa than with Mama. Mama does not love her. Not that she would ever say it, but that’s how it is. Mama does not love anyone in the house, not even Papa.
She always just sits around, and dreams, and sighs. When she walks from room to room, she looks at no one, as though her soul were always somewhere else. Only when the guests arrive do her eyes begin to shine. Then everyone looks at her pretty dress and her bare shoulders. She simply laughs, so that everyone can see her beautiful teeth.
Then she would send for her little girl so that she could greet the guests. The girl, a stranger to herself with her straightened hair and white silk dress, comes into the salon full of strangers. And a beautiful, strange woman beckons her to come closer and kisses her on the mouth. This lady is her mother. She is scared, but yet feels so good. Her mother, however, kisses her saying: “My dear little daughter!”
She does not know what this all means, the lights hurt her eyes. But her mother, her mother kissed her! How nice! Isn’t that sweet?
Suddenly she knows with certainty, with great certainty: she loves her mother so much. It is not all true; she does love her mother.
And she reaches up to her, in order to whisper into her ear: “Mommy!”
She hesitates. She wants to say: will you always love me as much as you do today?
But she is embarrassed and does not dare. Unfortunately, however, she has also stepped on Mama’s beautiful dress so that it crumpled. She is met with a chastising look, and is made to leave the room.
But her soul cries. She cannot comprehend it. Because of this silly dress she was not allowed to stay with her.
And now she always sees this angry look. Alas!
Where could Daddy be? He is still at the office, calculating. Calculating, and counting all day long, causing his hair to fall out. If only Daddy were here, he at least would not be wearing a beautiful dress.
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- Information
- Elsa Asenijeff’s Is that love? and InnocenceA Voice Reclaimed, pp. 83 - 84Publisher: Boydell & BrewerPrint publication year: 2022