This chapter focuses on how motivated cognition – the tendency for people to think in ways that are consistent with their goals – supports relationship maintenance. It starts with an overview of the assortment of strategies that people use to maintain their close relationships, which lay the foundation for this chapter and subsequent chapters. Then, it explicates the specific biases and illusions that people tend to have about their partners (e.g., seeing partners as particularly physically attractive, projecting ideal traits onto one’s partner) and their relationships (e.g., perceiving one’s own relationship as superior to others). This chapter also reviews empirical evidence describing the implications of this motivated inaccuracy for perceivers and their partners’ relationship experiences. This chapter also describes how biased perceptions extend to potential alternatives, leading people to ignore and devalue attractive alternative partners. It concludes with a discussion of contextual factors that shape the extent to which people engage in motivated cognition and the specific consequences of bias and illusion in relationships.

In addition to facilitating reproduction and gene propagation, partner attractiveness facilitates pair-bond maintenance. For this reason, partner attractiveness is a core issue for women’s long-term relationships. In this chapter, in addition to explicating the qualities that comprise partner attractiveness for women and their functions, we discuss the extent to which the functional importance of these qualities may shift situationally within the context of women’s committed, long-term relationships. Traits signaling (a) social status, access to resources, and willingness to share resources and (b) physical health and genetic benefits can confer direct benefits to offspring and thus women’s attraction to such traits can facilitate reproduction. Although research to date suggests women’s attraction to traits signaling social status, access to resources, and willingness to share resources does not shift over contexts or the life-course of women’s long-term relationships, women’s attraction to traits signaling physical health and genetic benefits seem to fluctuate across fertility status (though some mixed evidence has emerged). Moreover, the function of such traits may shift as women’s long-term relationships develop over time. We highlight each of these shifts in turn. Traits signaling commitment and trustworthiness (e.g., commitment, supportiveness, warmth, kindness) facilitate long-term relationship maintenance. Given relationship maintenance is consistently important to women, such partner qualities are a stable component of partner attractiveness; nevertheless, we raise the possibility that women’s attraction to such traits may heighten at key milestones in women’s relationship (e.g., during the transition to parenthood, when reaching older age). We end this chapter by proffering an evolutionary developmental relationship life-course model that (a) synthesizes the literature on shifts in partner attractiveness for women and their implications for women’s relationships, (b) suggests new ways of thinking about partner attractiveness, and (c) reveals gaps in empirical knowledge that can pave the way for future research.

Intimate relationships exist around the world, throughout the lifespan, and are influential in every domain of peoples’ lives. This chapter provides a brief review of the literature on intimate dating and marital relationships including processes such as attraction and relationship initiation, relationship maintenance, and relationship dissolution. A few theoretical perspectives (evolutionary, interdependence, attachment, self-expansion) are highlighted throughout the chapter. A main focus of this review is discussing intimate relationships in the context of gender and culture, including limitations in our current knowledge and suggestions for future research.

Maintaining a committed relationship over a long period of time is a challenging task for couples, as both partners need to be responsive to each partner’s preferences and needs, function well together, and be attentive to their environment. Balancing these factors can be difficult, particularly given that all of these domains are likely to change over time. Therefore, partners inevitably experience conflict as they engage in this ongoing process, often differing in their approaches to the myriad factors they must address. Conflict is a normative process that has the potential to help a couple move forward adaptively by restoring balance within the relationship when the differences between partners are addressed. However, it is how an individual handles conflict that determines whether conflict contributes to relationship maintenance. This chapter presents an integrative conceptual model of conflict management using the Valence-Affective-Connection (VAC) model, which comprises three axes along which conflict management and problem-solving tactics vary as well as two timeframes of relationship maintenance. It is our hope that the VAC model will contribute to future research by presenting a framework for deriving testable hypotheses that build on well-established relational theories and incorporate key principles from individual models of psychopathology and physical health.

This chapter introduces the book and is organized around the six most basic yet critical questions that cut across all research: Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How. In the first section (“who”), we discuss the types of people who perform relationship maintenance as well as differences among people. The “what” section identifies the central definitional issues that continue to plague the field. The third section (“when”) highlights the conditions under which people perform maintenance as well as the relationship challenges that prompt it. The “where” section identifies the small body of literature on geographic differences in relationship maintenance. The “why” section covers the principal theories that explain engagement in relationship maintenance activities. The final section comments on “how” maintenance activities sustain or enhance relationships. That is, it outlines the correlates, mediators, and moderators that explain the mechanisms by which maintenance operates. We conclude our chapter with a brief overview of the organization of the book.

In this chapter, the authors draw upon Abraham Maslow’s self-actualization theory, Eli Finkel’s suffocation model of marriage, and Arthur and Elaine Aron’s self-expansion model in the process of examining relationship maintenance among members of various cultural groups. A review of the literature on nationality as culture (following Goodwin) suggests limited support for the effects of a nation-level East–West dichotomy on mean levels of relationship maintenance behaviors (i.e., where such an effect exists, persons in Western nations sometimes engage in significantly higher levels of relationship maintenance behaviors than do persons in Eastern nations) and the effects of such a dichotomy on covariance between equity norms and relationship maintenance behaviors (i.e., where such an effect exists, within Western nations only, individuals are more likely to engage in relationship maintenance behaviors when they perceive their relationships as equitable rather than unequitable). However, the effects in question are not consistent and do not generalize to ethnic group differences in means or covariance involving relationship maintenance behaviors within Eastern or Western nations. Implications for studies that integrate cultural psychology with relationship science are discussed.

This chapter focuses on the ways that relational uncertainty can both shape and reflect relationship maintenance behaviors. Relational uncertainty reflects questions about the nature or degree of involvement in close relationships. Relational uncertainty can shape relationship maintenance because, under these conditions, people lack a sufficient framework to guide their own behavior or properly interpret the actions of a partner, which could prevent people from taking actions to maintain or bolster the relationship. When people fail to enact relationship maintenance, the interpersonal climate in the relationship can also give rise to increased questions and uncertainty about relational involvement. This chapter begins by reviewing the different types of uncertainty that can exist in close relationships and describes theory that explicates the role of uncertainty in interpersonal relations. Then, the chapter discusses the ways in which relational uncertainty can be an antecedent to relationship maintenance or an outcome of relationships that are not sufficiently maintained. Finally, the chapter concludes by exploring opportunities for future research on relational uncertainty and relationship maintenance.

Sex is a powerful way for couples to enhance their bond and promote the success and happiness of their relationship. Yet, maintaining sexual intimacy and passion is a challenging endeavor in romantic relationships, making it crucial to understand the role of sex in relationship maintenance. This chapter focuses on the role of sexuality in enabling couples to maintain satisfying relationships, focusing in particular on how couples can maintain sexual desire and satisfaction over time and as they navigate important relationship and life changes that may result in partners experiencing differences in their sexual interests, such as in the transition to parenthood. We begin the chapter by describing the ways that sex can benefit relationships, focusing on the roles of sexual frequency, physical affection, and sexual satisfaction in shaping the quality and maintenance of relationships. Then, we review research on how couples can prevent declines in sexual desire, or remain satisfied in spite of these declines, with a particular focus on sexual goals, sexual communal motivation, sexual communication, and sexual expectations. We conclude the chapter by highlighting several promising directions for future research on sex and relationship maintenance.

This chapter details and evaluates existing research on the extent to which three related cognitive processes are associated with the successful maintenance of relationships and relationship satisfaction: benevolent attributions, forgiveness, and gratitude. As detailed throughout the chapter, it appears that the extent to which each process is associated with the successful maintenance of relationship satisfaction depends critically on the context in which it operates, including aspects of the people involved in the relationship, aspects of the relationship itself, and aspects of the environment in which the relationship is embedded. Although each process is associated with the successful maintenance of relationship satisfaction in some contexts, each process is also associated with various personal and interpersonal costs to the extent that it operates in other contexts. Accordingly, we argue that maximizing the benefits of any cognitive relationship maintenance strategy requires a nuanced approach to its investigation.

Relationship maintenance is a central topic in relationship science. Most relationship scholars examine relationship maintenance at the proximate level of causation by examining how variables such as immediate threats to a relationship or an individual’s degree of commitment elicit the motivation to maintain it. Far less attention has been granted to distal factors, such as each partner’s developmental history or the possible evolutionary origins of relationship maintenance tendencies. The primary goal of this chapter is to shed clarifying light on these understudied levels of analysis by viewing relationship maintenance processes from an evolutionary-developmental perspective. We first review two central evolutionary frameworks (the Strategic Pluralism Model and Life History Theory) and integrate them within a single model called Developmental Strategic Pluralism. Drawing from this novel framework, we derive a set of testable predictions regarding relationship maintenance processes with the ultimate goals of contextualizing proximate relationship processes within evolutionary thinking and stimulating new avenues for future research in this rapidly growing area of relationship science.

Much of the research on on-again/off-again relationships shows they are different from non-cyclical relationships. This chapter organizes the differences found into three sections: relationship evaluations, communication dynamics, and structural factors. The first section details how on-off partners have lower levels of love, less satisfaction, and more relational uncertainty, particularly while dating (as compared to when they are in a post-dissolution phase). The second section outlines how on-off partners use less relationship maintenance, engage in more disclosure as well as topic avoidance, and also exhibit more conflict and aggression. The third section focuses on structural, external, or sociological factors. For example, on-off relationships are more likely to be long-distance and are somewhat less likely to garner support from their friends and family. In addition, partners in these cyclical relationships are more likely to have experienced economic and employment hardships; yet, children of cycling parents might gain certain benefits. Overall, the research consistently shows that on-off partners have lower relational quality and experience certain external factors that might either produce or perpetuate their cycling.

By its very definition, relationship maintenance implies development within intimate relationships. Whether couples are engaging in activities that keep relationships in good repair or even just in existence, the underlying assumption is clear – the natural state of relationships, if left unattended to, is to deteriorate. Once a relationship starts, therefore, romantic partners must engage in a broad array of maintenance strategies to preserve their relationships, though the form and function of these strategies are likely to change as the partners develop across the life course. Despite the clearly developmental concept of relationship maintenance, scholars have argued that the approach to its study has remained relatively static and disproportionately focused on younger, less established couples. The goal of our chapter is to utilize life course theory to consider the extent to which relationship maintenance strategies vary according to the developmental stage of both the relationship and the individuals within it, as well as to explore whether the antecedents and consequences of relationship maintenance may change across the life course. Our review underscores the need for more developmentally oriented research, which could not only advance theory on what relationship maintenance entails but also elucidate why, when, and how partners engage in it.

Here, we adopt an attachment theoretical perspective on relationship maintenance, based on the idea that a romantic relationship is an attachment bond. In doing so, we emphasize the role of normative attachment processes. We commence by introducing the attachment behavioral system and its three functions of proximity seeking/maintenance, safe haven, and secure base. We then describe the associations between normative attachment processes and relationship maintenance, including a discussion of evolutionary functions. The following part of the chapter explains how individual differences in attachment organization emerge based on early experiences with attachment figures, and why these differences are associated with relationship maintenance. Next, we review the literature on the associations of attachment style with three maintenance behaviors that have been widely studied in relation to attachment: support, communication, and commitment-enhancing behaviors. We conclude our chapter by discussing the association between attachment style and relationship satisfaction, which is regarded as an indicator of successful relationship maintenance. Overall, the normative processes of the attachment system align well with relationship maintenance behaviors, and attachment security tends to positively predict the enactment of maintenance behaviors.

Perhaps not surprisingly, romantic couples experience stress. Stress can originate both within the relationship, such as differing viewpoints between partners, or outside the relationship, such as learning about a poor performance review at work or having an argument with a friend. Irrespective of the origin of the stress, romantic partners are able to combat its negative effects by recognizing stress as an interdependent experience, one that is shared between partners, and engaging in positive dyadic coping. Conceptualized by Bodenmann’s systemic transactional model, positive dyadic coping is defined as supportive behaviors that help to downregulate partners’ negative experiences of stress and include providing emotional or problem-focused support. The purpose of this chapter is to present compelling evidence to conceptualize positive dyadic coping as a relationship maintenance strategy, one that helps preserve the relationship during times of distress and contributes to relationship satisfaction and longevity.

The belief that a relationship partner values and promotes one’s welfare is central to many theories of interpersonal relationships. In this chapter, we review research on accuracy and bias in these perceptions of benevolence and their implications for relationship maintenance. A key conclusion emerging from this literature is that people’s perceptions of their relationship partners’ benevolence are both accurate and biased. Suggesting the operation of a confirmation bias, people’s chronic and generalized beliefs regarding other people’s benevolence appear to bias perceptions of partners’ benevolence within specific relationships. Suggesting the operation of a motivated wishful thinking bias, people’s desires to maintain close relationships with particular partners also bias perceptions of those partners’ benevolence. Despite these biases, there is also evidence for accuracy in perceptions of benevolence. Each of these processes, in turn, appears to shape people’s willingness to enact relationship maintenance behaviors. Suggested directions for future research are described.

An underlying assumption across definitions of relationship maintenance is that these strategies, which are used to maintain a satisfactory state in the relationship, are uniform both within and across couples. However, couples or even partners within the same relationship may differ in how they define a satisfactory state based on their own characteristics and experiences. The goal of this chapter is to consider this diversity, not only in how couples maintain the relationship but also in how these maintenance strategies influence the quality of the relationship. Gender and race are the primary focus of this chapter, as both have been implicated as particularly salient contexts for relationship maintenance. Drawing when possible upon a dyadic approach to understand relationship maintenance, this chapter emphasizes the primary romantic relationship contexts in which gender and race are manifested (i.e., heterosexual and same-sex couples; intraracial and interracial couples) and the key correlates of maintenance within these relationships. Despite numerous advances made in this area over the past decade, more research is needed to explore the intersections of sex/gender and sexual orientation with race to understand how sensitive maintenance may be to the various individual, relational, and cultural contexts in which it occurs.

This chapter serves as the conclusion of a volume on the maintenance of relationships, especially romantic relationships. As its author, I sought to reflect on the other chapters in the book, doing some synthesizing, placing the volume’s contents in context, and adding my own views. The chapter unfolds by first discussing what maintenance is and then examining the past, the present, and the future of scholarship on maintenance. The discussion of the past mapped the growth of work on maintenance and reflects on a few comparisons between early and current contributions. The segment on the present identifies a citation count–based who’s who in the area, compares five theoretical perspectives on maintenance, and offers a broad-stroke synthesis of antecedents and consequences of maintenance. The chapter’s final section looks to the future, highlighting what authors in the volume recommend plus identifying four additional directions maintenance researchers might pursue. Overall, the chapter documents that from maintenance scholarship’s modest beginnings nearly 50 years ago, the volume of research, the sophistication of theoretical analyses, and the variety of research paradigms have all substantially advanced. Maintenance has gone from obscurity to being an important topic in good standing as we approach 2020.

How do people maintain their closest relationships? In this chapter, we present an interdependence account of how people maintain their relationships with others. Interdependence theory, first articulated by Thibaut and Kelley, was formulated to explain how people choose among potential courses of action in interdependent situations featuring problems of actor coordination and decision-making. Because romantic partners are often faced with daily choices within their relationship (e.g., Should we go to the movie my partner wants to see rather than what I want to see? Should I stay in this relationship or pursue an alternate?), interdependence theory is well suited for understanding relationship maintenance processes. We begin by discussing why relationship maintenance is necessary. We then review the set of processes – behavioral and cognitive – that help keep interdependent relationships intact, despite the fact that situational actors must adapt to constantly changing situations. Central to these processes is one’s commitment to a relationship, which, once established, causes maintaining a relationship to become an automatic, default option under ordinary circumstances.