I am sad
I feel that the future is hopeless and that things cannot improve
I am bored and dissatisfied with everything
I am a complete failure as a person
I am guilty, I am being punished
I would like to kill myself
I used to be able to cry but now I am beyond tears
I have lost interest in other people
I can’t make decisions
I can’t eat
I can’t sleep
I can’t think
I cannot overcome my loneliness, my fear, my disgust
I am fat
I cannot write
I cannot love
My brother is dying, my lover is dying, I am killing them both
I am charging towards my death
I am terrified of medication
I cannot make love
I cannot fuck
I cannot be alone
I cannot be with others
My hips are too big
I dislike my genitals
At 4.48
when desperation visits
I shall hang myself
to the sound of my lover’s breathing
I do not want to die
I have become so depressed by the fact of my mortality that I have decided to commit suicide
I do not want to live
Sarah Kane was born in 1971. She died in 1999 from suicide. She wrote four outstanding plays and a short TV film for Channel 4. This excerpt is from 4:48 Psychosis (pages 206–7), Methuen Publishing, 2001.
Chosen by Femi Oyebode.
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