I am sad

I feel that the future is hopeless and that things cannot improve

I am bored and dissatisfied with everything

I am a complete failure as a person

I am guilty, I am being punished

I would like to kill myself

I used to be able to cry but now I am beyond tears

I have lost interest in other people

I can’t make decisions

I can’t eat

I can’t sleep

I can’t think

I cannot overcome my loneliness, my fear, my disgust

I am fat

I cannot write

I cannot love

My brother is dying, my lover is dying, I am killing them both

I am charging towards my death

I am terrified of medication

I cannot make love

I cannot fuck

I cannot be alone

I cannot be with others

My hips are too big

I dislike my genitals

At 4.48

when desperation visits

I shall hang myself

to the sound of my lover’s breathing

I do not want to die

I have become so depressed by the fact of my mortality that I have decided to commit suicide

I do not want to live

Sarah Kane was born in 1971. She died in 1999 from suicide. She wrote four outstanding plays and a short TV film for Channel 4. This excerpt is from 4:48 Psychosis (pages 206–7), Methuen Publishing, 2001.

Chosen by Femi Oyebode.