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Published online by Cambridge University Press: 09 September 2014
Our paper sets the groundwork for a Christian theology of dating. We begin with a critique of the religious and secular sources on dating. We next turn to theological works on friendship, marriage, and feminist spirituality to distill issues that we deem important for a positive Christian theology of dating. Because dating differs from these perspectives—it is both temporary (as opposed to marriage) and sexual (as opposed to friendship)—we conclude by offering a two-tiered perspective on dating. On the first level, we offer a narrative: two people are each on a separate journey, they encounter each other, their journeys become intertwined and are forever changed from the meeting even if they do not remain together. On the second level, we sublate the narrative by locating it within the broader Christian gospel.
1 Harris, Joshua, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 1999).Google Scholar
2 Ibid., chap. 1.
3 Ibid., 17–18.
4 See Lawler, Ronald, Boyle, Joseph, and May, William, Catholic Sexual Ethics: A Summary, Explanation, and Defense (Huntington, IN: Our Sunday Visitor, 1998)Google Scholar, chap. 6 and 8; Curran, Charles E. and McCormick, Richard, eds., Readings in Moral Theology No. 8: Dialogue About Catholic Sexual Teaching (New York: Paulist, 1993), part 7.Google Scholar
5 Genovesi, Vincent, In Pursuit of Love: Catholic Morality and Human Sexuality (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 1996).Google Scholar
6 Ibid., 178.
7 Ibid., 172. He does qualify his position by stating that in certain circumstances (e.g., lack of knowledge, immaturity, slow moral development), people engaging in premarital sex may not be committing subjective sin.
8 Gaillardetz, Richard, A Daring Promise: A Spirituality of Christian Marriage (New York: Crossroad, 2002), 42–43.Google Scholar
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12 Generally, many people brought up in a Christian community leave it during their high school and college years only to return when they are married with children. While we by no means think this is because the Church lacks a theology of dating, we would argue that we facilitate the departure because we offer them no means of making sense of this part of their life other than, “It is dangerous.”
13 Aristotle, , Nichomachean Ethics, 8.1.Google Scholar
14 Ibid., 8.2.
15 Ibid., 8.3.
16 Ibid.
18 Wadell, Paul, Friendship and the Moral Life (Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press, 1989), xiii and 152.Google Scholar
19 Ibid., 152.
20 Ibid., 157.
21 Cahill, Lisa Sowle, Sex, Gender, and Christian Ethics (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1996), 214.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
22 Ibid.
23 Ibid.
24 See n. 8 above.
25 Soelle, Dorothee, To Work and To Love: A Theology of Creation (Philadelphia: Fortress, 1984), 115.Google Scholar
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27 hooks, bell, Salvation: Black People and Love (New York: William Morrow, 2001).Google Scholar
28 Ibid., xxiv.
29 On the importance of narrative, see Hauerwas, StanleyA Community of Character (Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press, 1986), 145–51.Google Scholar We believe that narratives can provide paradigmatic examples that assist people in their attempts to understand the meaning, morality, and spiritual dimensions of dating.
30 Percy, Walker, The Second Coming (New York: Washington Square Press, 1980).Google Scholar
31 Endo, Shusako, Deep River, trans. Gessel, Van C. (New York: New Directions Books, 1994).Google Scholar
32 Shakespeare in Love, film directed by Madden, John (Miramax Films, 1998).Google Scholar
33 Ten Things I Hate About You, film directed by Junger, Gil (Touchstone Pictures, 1999).Google Scholar
34 Day, Dorothy, The Long Loneliness (San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1997).Google Scholar
35 This is not meant to imply that relationships in general are a hindrance to one's relationship with God but only that Day's particular relationship presented problems for her particular relationship to God.
36 Meier, John P., A Marginal Jew, vol. 3: Companions and Competitors (Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 2001), 80–82.Google Scholar We are gratefully to Christopher McMahon, a professor at Mt. Marty College, for providing us with this reference.