This article describes the difficulties a mainstream family therapy service experienced in working with families from a refugee background. The experience of six therapists and five bicultural workers, who are also the referring agents, was captured in focus groups, and the reflections that emerged shaped a four-part approach for working with families from a refugee background. Live consultation, either by the family therapist or bicultural worker, is suggested as a way to marry the expertise of family therapists who are not cultural ‘insiders’ with the ‘lived experience’ and cultural expertise of bicultural support workers. The process of reflecting on therapeutic failure resulted in several principles for working therapeutically with families with a history of refugee trauma, unmet resettlement needs and family relationship challenges. These include maintaining a flexible approach to therapy, ascertaining a clear understanding of the referral context, defining an explicit therapeutic contract from the first session, being mindful of the important role that language plays and terminating therapy if it is contra-indicated.