This paper emanates from a small-scale qualitative study, currently in progress, looking at the implications for older people of decisions made by a social services department that they are ineligible for service provision. While the operation of eligibility criteria in the UK has been shown to exclude an increasing number of prospective users from receiving a service, little is known about how those refused a service contend with their difficulties or the implications these strategies have for them. The paper focuses on themes that have emerged during the first phases of the study in relation to how older people endeavour to manage their ‘unmet need’. It is suggested that a key integrative theme concerns their efforts to maintain a positive sense of self indicating, it is argued, the need for processes involved in the seeking, receiving and giving of help to be managed in a way that sustains the sense of self of the older person.