You did die. We talked so often of your dying, and you were determined not to, not just yet. But you did die. Nearly four months ago, and I still cannot believe it. Most people do not want to talk about death and mourning. I want to talk of it all the time because you are the person who I have loved the most, and you have died. I know all about the outer world of social responsibility, so no one can accuse me of continuing to grieve for you. You did not wish to leave your wife and your daughter and your brother, and some of your colleagues and friends. You did not wish to leave me either, and I do not know how to live without you. You knew it would be so.