Yes, it's painful to talk about it. Every time I do talk about it, it leaves me devastated. Every time, I had to pull myself together. Every time, I had to wonder: did this really happen to me? Is it the present me to whom all that happened? And finally: what is the real link between the ‘I now’ and my ‘I’ in the past? My ‘I now’ will tell the story, that is herstory. Not only am I telling it for your research, but also for the sake of the ‘I now’. The ‘I’ has to get rid of it, once and for all. I have to say it now, imbued with all my biases and personal drives. I don't promise you it's going to be objective; it's going to be very subjective. You'll have to struggle with it to come out with some logical conclusions and scientific results. Indeed, this is what your research requires: logicality, historicity and, most important, objectivity. They are the three rivets of the male phallocentric culture. Yes, you'll have to struggle, because it will be irrational, ahistorical and illogical.