Skip to main content Accessibility help

We use cookies to distinguish you from other users and to provide you with a better experience on our websites. Close this message to accept cookies or find out how to manage your cookie settings.

Close cookie message
×
Hostname: page-component-cd9895bd7-p9bg8 Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2024-12-26T13:38:33.959Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

12 - Self-Esteem, Negative Expressivity, and Partner Responsiveness

from Part III - Interdependence, Goal Pursuit, and Person Factors

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  19 June 2020

By
Kassandra Cortes  and
Joanne V. Wood
Edited by
Laura V. Machia ,
Christopher R. Agnew  and
Ximena B. Arriaga
Laura V. Machia
Affiliation:
Syracuse University, New York
Christopher R. Agnew
Affiliation:
Purdue University, Indiana
Ximena B. Arriaga
Affiliation:
Purdue University, Indiana
Get access

Summary

People with low self-esteem perceive their partner’s are less responsive to their needs. A widespread assumption in the literature has been that these perceptions are “all in their heads” – a projection of their own insecurities – and that their partners are actually just as responsive as are partners of people with high self-esteem. Contrary to this assumption, however, we describe research demonstrating that, in specific interactions, people with low self-esteem's partners are indeed less responsive to disclosers’ negative self-disclosures. We review evidence for the role of self-esteem in global and specific perceptions of responsiveness and actual received partner responsiveness, discuss reasons for such findings, and suggest future work to untangle mechanisms accounting for people with low self-esteems’ lower received responsiveness. We end by discussing implications for close relationships.

Keywords

Self-esteempartner responsivenessnegative expressivityperceived responsivenesslow self-esteem
Type
Chapter
Information
Interdependence, Interaction, and Close Relationships , pp. 246 - 266
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2020

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Arriaga, X. B. (2013). An interdependence theory analysis of close relationships. In Simpson, J. A. & Campbell, L. (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships (pp. 39–65). New York: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Baldwin, M. W. (1992). Relational schemas and the processing of social information. Psychological Bulletin, 112, 461–484. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.112.3.461CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I., & Vohs, K. D. (2003). Does high self-esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 4, 1–44. doi:10.1111/1529-1006.01431Google Scholar
Birnbaum, G. E. & Reis, H. T. (2012). When does responsiveness pique sexual interest? Attachment and sexual desire in initial acquaintanceships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38, 946–958. doi:10.1177/0146167212441028CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Britton, M., Hadad, S., & Derrick, J. L. (2019). Perceived partner responsiveness predicts smoking cessation in single-smoker couples. Addictive Behaviors, 88, 122–128. doi:10.1016/j.addbeh.2018.08.026CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Cameron, J. J., Holmes, J. G., & Vorauer, J. D. (2009). When self-disclosure goes awry: Negative consequences of revealing personal failures for lower self-esteem individuals. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 45, 217–222. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2008.09.009Google Scholar
Cameron, J. J., Stinson, D. A., Gaetz, R., & Balchen, S. (2010). Acceptance is in the eye of the beholder: Self-esteem and motivated perceptions of acceptance from the opposite sex. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99, 513–529. doi:10.1111/1529-1006.01431Google Scholar
Canevello, A. & Crocker, J. (2010). Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99, 78–106. doi:10.1037/a0018186Google Scholar
Carmichael, C. L., Tsai, F.-F., Smith, S. M., Caprariello, P. A., & Reis, H. T. (2007). The self and intimate relationships. In Sedikides, C. & Spencer, S. (Eds.), The Self (pp. 285–309). New York: Psychology Press.Google Scholar
Clark, M. S. & Lemay, E. P. (2010). Close relationships. In Fiske, S. T. & Gilbert, D. (Eds.), Handbook of Social Psychology (pp. 898–940). New York: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Collins, N. L. & Feeney, B. C. (2000). A safe haven: An attachment theory perspective on support seeking and caregiving in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 1053–1073. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.78.6.1053Google Scholar
Collins, N. L. & Feeney, B. C. (2004). Working models of attachment shape perceptions of social support: Evidence from experimental and observational studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87, 363–383. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.87.3.363CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Collins, N. L. & Miller, L. C. (1994). Self-disclosure and liking: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 116, 457–475. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.116.3.457Google Scholar
Cortes, K. & Wood, J. V. (2018). Is it really “all in their heads”? How self-esteem predicts partner responsiveness. Journal of Personality, 86, 990–1002. doi:10.1111/jopy.12370Google Scholar
Cortes, K. & Wood, J. V. (2019). How was your day? Conveying care, but under the radar, for people lower in trust. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 83, 11–22. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2019.03.003Google Scholar
Cutrona, C. E. (1996). Social support as a determinant of marital quality: The interplay of negative and supportive behaviors. In Pierce, G. R., Sarason, B. R., & Sarason, I. G. (Eds.), Handbook of Social Support and the Family (pp. 173–194). New York: Plenum Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Cutrona, C. E., Hessling, R. M., & Suhr, J. A. (1997). The influence of husband and wife personality on marital social support interactions. Personal Relationships, 4, 379–393. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.1997.tb00152.xGoogle Scholar
Derrick, J., Houston, R., & Ethier, D. (2017). Perceived partner responsiveness moderates the effect of partner-specific stressors on alcohol urge in an experimental study. Alcoholism-Clinical and Experimental Research, 41, 153A.Google Scholar
Downey, G., Freitas, A. L., Michaelis, B., & Khouri, H. (1998). The self-fulfilling prophecy in close relationships: Rejection sensitivity and rejection by romantic partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 545–560. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.75.2.545Google Scholar
Dunkel-Schetter, C. & Bennett, T. L. (1990). Differentiating the cognitive and behavioral aspects of social support. In Sarason, B. R., Sarason, I. G., & Pierce, G. R. (Eds.), Social Support: An Interactional View (pp. 267–296). Oxford : John Wiley & Sons.Google Scholar
Epstein, N. B. & Baucom, D. H. (2002). Enhanced Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Couples: A Contextual Approach. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Forest, A. L., Kille, D. R., Wood, J. V., & Holmes, J. G. (2014). Discount and disengage: How chronic negative expressivity undermines partner responsiveness to negative disclosures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 107, 1013–1032. doi:10.1037/a0038163Google Scholar
Forest, A. L. & Wood, J. V. (2012). When social networking is not working: Individuals with low self-esteem recognize but do not reap the benefits of self-disclosure on Facebook. Psychological Science, 23, 295–302. doi:10.1177/0956797611429709CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Fraley, C. R. & Shaver, P. R. (2000). Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions. Review of General Psychology, 4, 132–154. doi:10.1037/1089-2680.4.2.132Google Scholar
Gattis, K. S., Berns, S., Simpson, L. E., & Christensen, A. (2004). Birds of a feather or strange birds? Ties among personality dimensions, similarity, and marital quality. Journal of Family Psychology, 18(4), 564–574. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.18.4.564Google Scholar
Gaucher, D., Wood, J. V., Stinson, D. A., Forest, A. L., Holmes, J. G., & Logel, C. (2012). Perceived regard explains self-esteem differences in expressivity. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38, 1144–1156. doi:10.1177/0146167212445790Google Scholar
Hirschberger, G., Florian, V., & Mikulincer, M. (2002). The anxiety buffering function of close relationships: Mortality salience effects on the readiness to compromise mate selection standards. European Journal of Social Psychology, 32, 609–625. doi:10.1002/ejsp.110Google Scholar
Holmes, J. G. & Rempel, J. K. (1989). Trust in close relationships. In Hendrick, C. (Ed.), Review of Personality and Social Psychology: Close Relationships (Vol. 10, pp. 187–219). Newbury Park, CA: Sage.Google Scholar
Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., & Gino, F. (2017). It doesn’t hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113, 430–452. doi:10.1037/pspi0000097Google Scholar
Ibarra-Rovillard, M. S. & Kuiper, N. A. (2011). Social support and social negativity findings in depression: Perceived responsiveness to basic psychological needs. Clinical Psychology Review, 31, 342–352. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2011.01.005Google Scholar
Kane, H. S., Jaremka, L. M., Guichard, A. C., Ford, M. B., Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2007). Feeling supported and feeling satisfied: How one partner’s attachment style predicts the other partner’s relationship experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24, 535–555. doi:10.1177/0265407507079245CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kelley, H. H. (1979). Personal Relationships: Their Structures and Properties. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Kelley, H. H. (1983). Analyzing close relationships. In Kelley, H. H., Berscheid, E., Christensen, A., Harvey, J. H., Huston, T. L., Levinger, G., … Peterson, D. R. (Eds.), Close Relationships (pp. 20–67). New York: W. H. Freeman.Google Scholar
Kelley, H. H. (1991). Lewin, situations, and interdependence. Journal of Social Issues, 47, 211–233.Google Scholar
Lakey, B. & Cassady, P. B. (1990). Cognitive processes in perceived social support. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59, 337–343. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.59.2.337Google Scholar
Lakey, B. & Orehek, E. (2011). Relational regulation theory: A new approach to explain the link between perceived social support and mental health. Psychological Review, 118, 482–495. doi:10.1037/a0023477Google Scholar
Laurenceau, J. P., Barrett, L. F., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (1998). Intimacy as an interpersonal process: The importance of self-disclosure, partner disclosure, and perceived partner responsiveness in interpersonal exchanges. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 1238–1251. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.74.5.1238Google Scholar
Leary, M. R. & MacDonald, G. (2003). Individual differences in trait self-esteem: A theoretical integration. In Leary, M. & Tangney, J. (Eds.), Handbook of Self and Identity (pp. 401–418). New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Lemay, E. P. & Clark, M. S. (2008a). “Walking on Eggshells”: How expressing relationship insecurities perpetuates them. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 420–441. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.95.2.420Google Scholar
Lemay, E. P. & Clark, M. S. (2008b). “You’re just saying that.” Contingencies of self-worth, suspicion, and authenticity in the interpersonal affirmation process. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 44, 1376–1382. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2008.05.001Google Scholar
Lemay, E. P., Clark, M. S., & Feeney, B. C. (2007). Projection of responsiveness to needs and the construction of satisfying communal relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92, 834–853. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.92.5.834Google Scholar
Lemay, E. & Dudley, K. L. (2009). Implications of reflected appraisals of interpersonal insecurity for suspicion and power. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 1672–1686. doi:10.1177/0146167209348380Google Scholar
Lemay, E. P. & Dudley, K. L. (2011). Caution: Fragile! Regulating the interpersonal security of chronically insecure partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100, 681–702. doi:10.1037/a0021655CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Levy, S. R., Ayduk, O., & Downey, G. (2001). The role of rejection sensitivity in people’s relationships with significant others and valued social groups. In Leary, M. R. (Ed.), Interpersonal Rejection (pp. 251–289). New York: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
McCarthy, M. H., Wood, J. V., & Holmes, J. G. (2017). Dispositional pathways to trust: Self-esteem and agreeableness interact to predict trust and negative emotional disclosure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113, 95–116. doi:10.1037/pspi0000093Google Scholar
Murray, S. L., Bellavia, G. M., Rose, P., & Griffin, D. W. (2003). Once hurt, twice hurtful: How perceived regard regulates daily marital interactions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 126–147. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.84.1.126CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Murray, S. L., Griffin, D. W., Rose, P., & Bellavia, G. M. (2003). Calibrating the sociometer: The relational contingencies of self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85, 63–84. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.85.1.63Google Scholar
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Collins, N. L. (2006). Optimizing assurance: The risk regulation system in relationships. Psychological Bulletin, 132, 641–666. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.132.5.641Google Scholar
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (2000). Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: How perceived regard regulates attachment processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 478–498. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.78.3.478Google Scholar
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., Griffin, D. W., Bellavia, G., & Rose, P. (2001). The mismeasure of love: How self-doubt contaminates relationship beliefs. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 423–436. doi:10.1177/0146167201274004Google Scholar
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., MacDonald, G., & Ellsworth, P. C. (1998). Through the looking glass darkly? When self-doubts turn into relationship insecurities. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 1459–1480. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.75.6.1459Google Scholar
Overall, N. C., Fletcher, G. J. O., & Kenny, D. A. (2012). When bias and insecurity promote accuracy: Mean-level bias and tracking accuracy in couples’ conflict discussions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38, 642–655. doi:10.1177/0146167211432764Google Scholar
Overall, N. C., Simpson, J. A., & Struthers, H. (2013). Buffering attachment avoidance: Softening emotional and behavioral defenses during conflict discussions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104, 854–871. doi:10.1037/a0031798CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Pennebaker, J. W., Zech, E., & Rimé, B. (2001). Disclosing and sharing emotion: Psychological, social, and health consequences. In Stroebe, M. S., Hansson, R. O., Stroebe, W., & Schut, H. (Eds.), Handbook of Bereavement Research: 102 Consequences, Coping, and Care (pp. 517–544). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.Google Scholar
Pierce, G. R., Sarason, B. R., & Sarason, I. G. (1992). General and specific support expectations and stress as predictors of perceived supportiveness: An experimental study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63, 297–307. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.63.2.297Google Scholar
Reis, H. T. (2007). Steps toward the ripening of relationship science. Personal Relationships, 14, 1–23. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2006.00139.xGoogle Scholar
Reis, H. T. & Clark, M. S. (2013). Responsiveness. In Simpson, J. A. & Campbell, L. (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships (pp. 400–423). New York: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Reis, H. T., Clark, M. S., & Holmes, J. G. (2004). Perceived partner responsiveness as an organizing construct in the study of closeness and intimacy. In Mashek, D. J. & Aron, A. (Eds.), Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy (pp. 201–225). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Reis, H. T. & Gable, S. L. (2015). Responsiveness. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1, 67–71. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.01.001Google Scholar
Reis, H. T. & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In Duck, S. W. (Ed.), Handbook of Personal Relationships (pp. 367–389). Oxford: Wiley & Sons.Google Scholar
Rusbult, C. E., Morrow, G. D., & Johnson, D. J. (1987). Self-esteem and problem-solving behaviour in close relationships. British Journal of Social Psychology, 26, 293–303. doi:10.1111/j.2044-8309.1987.tb00792.xCrossRefGoogle Scholar
Rusbult, C. E. & Van Lange, P. A. M. (2003). Interdependence, interaction, and relationships. Annual Review of Psychology, 54, 351–375. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.54.101601.145059Google Scholar
Sarason, B. R., Pierce, G. R., & Sarason, I. G. (1990). Social support: The sense of acceptance and the role of relationships. In Sarason, B. R., Sarason, I. G., & Pierce, G. R. (Eds.), Social Support: An Interactional View (pp. 97–128). Oxford: John Wiley & Sons.Google Scholar
Selcuk, E. & Ong, A. D. (2013). Perceived partner responsiveness moderates the association between received emotional support and all-cause mortality. Health Psychology, 32, 231–235. doi:10.1037/a0028276CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Simpson, J., Rholes, W., Oriña, M., & Grich, J. (2002). Working models of attachment, support giving, and support seeking in a stressful situation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28, 598–608. doi:10.1177/0146167202288004Google Scholar
Slotter, E. B. & Finkel, E. J. (2009). The strange case of sustained dedication to an unfulfilling relationship: Predicting commitment and breakup from attachment anxiety and need fulfillment within relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 85–100. doi:10.1177/0146167208325244Google Scholar
Sommers, S. (1984). Reported emotions and conventions of emotionality among college students. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 46, 207–215. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.46.1.207Google Scholar
Sowislo, J. F. & Orth, U. (2013). Does low self-esteem predict depression and anxiety? A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Psychological Bulletin, 139, 213–240. doi:10.1037/a0028931Google Scholar
Sprecher, S. & Hendrick, S. S. (2004). Self-disclosure in intimate relationships: Associations with individual and relationship characteristics over time. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 23, 857–877. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com.proxy.lib.uwaterloo.ca/docview/38037511?accountid=14906Google Scholar
Thibaut, J. W. & Kelley, H. H. (1959). The Social Psychology of Groups. New York: Wiley.Google Scholar
Trzesniewski, K. H., Donnellan, M. B., & Robins, R. W. (2003). Stability of self-esteem across the life span. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 205–220. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.84.1.205Google Scholar
Vinokur, A., Schul, Y., & Caplan, R. D. (1987). Determinants of perceived social support: Interpersonal transactions, personal outlook, and transient affective states. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 1137–1145. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.53.6.1137Google Scholar
Williams, K. D., Govan, C. L., Croker, V., Tynan, D., Cruickshank, M., & Lam, A. (2002). Investigations into differences between social- and cyberostracism. Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice, 6, 65–77. doi:10.1037/1089-2699.6.1.65Google Scholar
Williams, K. D. & Jarvis, B. (2006). Cyberball: A program for use in research on interpersonal ostracism and acceptance. Behavior Research Methods, 38, 174–180. doi:10.3758/BF03192765Google Scholar
Wood, J. V. & Forest, A. L. (2016). Self-protective yet self-defeating: The paradox of low self-esteem people’s self-disclosures. In Olson, J. M. & Zanna, M. P. (Eds.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 53, pp. 131–181). Cambridge, MA: Academic Press.Google Scholar
Wood, J. V., Hogle, A., & McClellan, J. (2009). Self-esteem and relationships. In Reis, H. & Sprecher, S. (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Human Relationships, (Vol. 3, pp. 1422–1425). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.Google Scholar
Zimmermann, P., Maier, M. A., Winter, M., & Grossmann, K. E. (2001). Attachment and adolescents’ emotion regulation during a joint problem-solving task with a friend. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 25, 331–343. doi:10.1080/01650250143000157Google Scholar

Save book to Kindle

To save this book to your Kindle, first ensure [email protected] is added to your Approved Personal Document E-mail List under your Personal Document Settings on the Manage Your Content and Devices page of your Amazon account. Then enter the ‘name’ part of your Kindle email address below. Find out more about saving to your Kindle.

Note you can select to save to either the @free.kindle.com or @kindle.com variations. ‘@free.kindle.com’ emails are free but can only be saved to your device when it is connected to wi-fi. ‘@kindle.com’ emails can be delivered even when you are not connected to wi-fi, but note that service fees apply.

Find out more about the Kindle Personal Document Service.

Available formats
×

Save book to Dropbox

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Dropbox.

Available formats
×

Save book to Google Drive

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Google Drive.

Available formats
×