The term “outsider” requires some explanation. I have lived in Singapore for almost thirty-five years, but I will always be an outsider to Chinese culture. For one thing, I am illiterate. When I pass banners in Chinatown on the way to my office, I wonder what they are announcing. Not reading Chinese means that Chinese newspapers, banners, street signs, and restaurant menus are undecipherable. Riding the MRT, I cannot eavesdrop on people's conversations if they are in Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese, or Teochew. Although, after thirty-five years, I can at least tell the difference amongst them when they are spoken, and understand a bit of “market talk” (about vegetables and prices).

In some ways, it is presumptions to live in a society for thirty-five years without making an effort to acquire at least a rudimentary knowledge of the language spoken by the majority. But when one thinks about it, this is relatively easy to justify in the Singapore context, where there are four official languages, and English is certainly dominant in public discourse in the bureaucracy, and in interfacing with foreigners and members of other races. Besides, one can also rationalize that very few (I have not met one) Singaporeans are fluent in all four of these official languages (Mandarin, Malay, Tamil, and English). I am fluent in two of them, Malay and English, which in multiracial Singapore gives me a passing score of 50 per cent.

Besides, I have many Chinese friends and acquaintances, even a Chinese sister-in-law. We have attended each other's weddings, nursed each other through pregnancies and baby-minding, celebrated Chinese New Year, and Hari Raya, and Christmas, gone on holidays, and shared coveted information about the best tuition teachers. I have learned to play mah-jong (badly). Of late we are attending the weddings of these children we have raised. Now we are collectively waiting for grandchildren. And, as is the way of life, we are also attending the funerals of our parents. How much of my Chinese friends' lives have I missed because I do not speak Chinese? Probably a great deal, but not in terms of friendship.