Marriage
Published online by Cambridge University Press: 12 January 2023
Summary
Mama was always so pale. For as long as Maria could remember, from her teenage years back to her childhood—she had always seen her mother pale, with serious, wounded eyes, and a soft smile on her lips.
Papa does not love Mama. Definitely not! Maria does not tell this to anyone, to no one! Nevertheless, it is true. Even as a child, she felt it. She knew nothing back then, thought nothing—but she suffered!
There were never any scenes or violence in the house. Her parents always remained well-mannered and cultivated. But there was no sunshine. The softness, kindness, which reveals itself in a glance! And for which children especially, for whom words are still incomprehensible, have a refined sense.
But now she was already a young woman. And it was still the same. She never heard them argue or say a crude word. But it was there, with certainty, sitting like a splinter in a throbbing wound. She knew and fell silent. No one found out her secret.
She suffered.
But today something terrible happened. She sat with Mama. Mama on the sofa, she face-to-face with her in front of the mirror with her back to the door.
It started to grow dark. They both fell silent. They understood each other best like that. How she wished to put her arms around her mother’s neck, whispering with warm kisses: “You poor, poor Mommy!” But it did not work like that. She was not allowed to speak that way with the one who gave her life. How would she be allowed to complain to her daughter — — —
So they both remained silent, but their feelings seeped through the room in delicate waves, flowing into each other, while their lips remained closed.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
The bell rang.
Papa! they both thought, but no one said it aloud.
And suddenly they both felt their limbs growing deeply tired. They wanted to face him, without being able to. Something came over them, like a sleepy child whose eyelids droop—heavy—tired — — —
Papa laughed, he walked from room to room. Finally, he came into the side chamber. He flirted with the maid, who wanted to light the lamp.
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- Elsa Asenijeff’s Is that love? and InnocenceA Voice Reclaimed, pp. 79 - 80Publisher: Boydell & BrewerPrint publication year: 2022