In the back of every marital therapist's mind there is – or should be! – a gnawing doubt about values. As a professional, how does one know that a given marriage is “missing” something important? Clearly, therapists need to be informed about theories of adult intimacy. Familiarity with the myriad of piecemeal, cross-sectional studies showing this or that something about “basic” processes is also a good idea, albeit practically rather difficult. Over the years in my clinical work I have taken it as axiomatic that successful couples must achieve something unique to themselves and that they must be active! As a marital therapy supervisor, I confess to getting bored when a couple is boring, and I get even more bored when marital therapists allow their sessions to become boring. Isn't that just my own limited attention span masquerading as a “defining property” of all good marriages?

It was with unbridled glee that I read about “zest” – one of the variables Joseph Veroff, Elizabeth Douvan, Terri Orbuch, and Linda Acitelli included in their study of marital happiness in stable marriages in Chapter 5. I now feel less self-conscious insisting that spouses in good marriages should be active. “Zest!” That's my kind of construct.