Synopsis

This story presents a narrative account of my experience befriending ‘Rose’, a former nurse and legal aid worker; representative of the fastest growing section of the UK population – the so-called ‘old-old’ or those aged 85 years and older. In part I chose to become a ‘befriender’ as a way of supplementing my formal research activities and, somewhat subconsciously, to provide a counterpoint to outlooks gained from working with a property developer and its respective customers. In stark contrast to retirement villa residents, Rose was an older person with limited financial means and diminished mobility, dependent upon care workers and family members for her everyday needs. Through our relationship I gathered rich insights into multivariate meanings of home and everyday behavioural observations of an older person ageing in place. By the summer of 2016 Rose had moved into a purpose-built care home on the outskirts of her city, where she occupied a private room on the first floor, overlooking the road, until her death in January 2018. This story recounts her resistance to moving into the nursing home.

Methods

Prior to meeting Rose, I went through an application process involving an expression of interest, informal interview, training event and criminal records check. I declared my ‘researcher’ status and vested interest upon application and remained open to talking about my work with Rose and others. I visited Rose on a weekly basis, sharing a pot of tea and chatting for about an hour, or the time it took for the tea to go cold. From the outset, Rose expressed a welcoming and flexible attitude – “come whenever you like, daytime or evening” – rather than insisting on a fixed time, by appointment. This helped to make the arrangement feel more natural by lessening the sense of commitment or expectation. In practice I tended to visit mid-to late afternoon and always telephoned ahead. Rose got on well with the phone (she could direct sound into her good ear), but we always saved our chat for when we met face to face.

The role of the visiting befriender is to provide companionship. Befrienders do not assist with personal care, perform domestic tasks or administer medication.