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50 - Nervousness

from PART NINE - Inside the Conductor

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  05 September 2013

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Summary

I played for a conductor whose nervousness had a disastrous effect on his stomach; before every concert there was only one place he could be found. One evening he was conducting in Watford Town Hall, just north of London, where there's an entrance on each side of the platform. The concert was delayed because of the maestro's usual problem. Ten minutes after the starting time, the hall's staff finally managed to extract him from the small room where he was sitting and push him onstage. There was tumultuous applause. But as he stepped onto the podium he realized he wasn't quite ready to conduct. He stepped straight off the other side, continued across the stage to the other door, walked out, and returned to where he'd been before, accompanied by a beautiful diminuendo in the applause.

Nervousness is like inspiration, because you never know when it will visit you. Often a really tricky concert will find you relaxed, while a safer one will find you strangely nervous. Like a phobia, it's not rational, and you can't talk yourself out of it. Bernard Haitink said in an interview, “The last minute before a performance, no matter how often you have done it, you're always looking into the abyss.”

There are two kinds of nervousness. The good kind fires you up, giving you an edge and a sense of occasion. The bad kind disables you, causes tension, makes it difficult to judge tempi and balance, and generally prevents you from doing your best. All musicians suffer from nervousness to some degree and have developed their own stratagems for dealing with it. Alcohol is not recommended.

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Inside Conducting , pp. 245 - 246
Publisher: Boydell & Brewer
Print publication year: 2013

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