Dear Abbe,
I’ve noticed in the last several years that electronic journals only go back to the late 1960s and early 70s. Was there any published research before that time? I see references to articles published long ago, but I am having trouble acquiring them. It seems like a lost world.
Searching in Starkville
Dear Searching,
Gott rette mich! Of course there was research accomplished and published before the “digital age.” It was back in a day when “digital” referred to things done with fingers and toes. Nowadays if it’s not glowing from hand-held technischen Speilereien, then it must not exist! And don’t get me started on Googling and the WikiWorld! I well remember when cutting-edge research was done on the microtome, not the computer, and have half a mind to start republishing old articles as new research. Perhaps an article on the origin of homogenous immersion or one on new methods for improving spherical correction in a schott glass. Since light microscopy is now considered a poor cousin of computerized, acronymical confocal microscopy, I could even publish a treatise on preparing samples for light microscopy, a “recipe” book or microtomist’s vade mecum... I could do a series on YouTube about these scribblings. No one would be the wiser. My only concern would be what they call “going viral.” I’ve got enough trouble without being ill.
Dear Abbe,
I have been working with SEM on diseased tissue samples for a client. Unfortunately, my images have been fuzzy, despite all my efforts with scope adjustments. The director of the Center, Dr. D. Melanogaster, informed me that my problem is due to “tip drifting.” Fortunately, between random sessions of doodling on his iPhone, he graciously realigned the gun assembly, and my later images were considerably sharper. Here is my problem: When I explained to my attractive client (whom I’ve been trying to impress with my scoping prowess) that my earlier problem was due to “tip drifting,” one of her eyebrows raised with such a look that it resulted in the most hideous feeling of deflation. I need your expertise in explaining to her in more scientific technical terms so I do not appear inadequate.
Anxiously Heading Off Instability in Athens
Dear A.H.I.,
Ah, I remember the days when women would raise eyebrows at me. Usually in confusion or derision—but no matter—I was delighted to finally have their attention. It is unfortunate that Dr. M. was not more creative or technical in his description of tip drifting. The last time my tip drifted, I found myself waking up in a seedy lab on the outskirts of a respectable institution with my wallet and diamond-knife box empty. But do not despair! I can assure you that if you regale her with tales of tip-drift correction, you will have her undivided attention. If the problem persists though, I would seek other, more experienced professionals. There will be a few wandering around the next M&M meeting who would be more than happy to discuss tip drifts and other embarrassing scope malfunctions at the beer and poster sessions.
Looking for ways to avoid embarrassing scoping faux pas? Let Herr Abbe help you think of new ones! Just send your queries to his able assistant at [email protected].
