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Dear Abbe

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  31 August 2017

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Dear Abbe
Information
Microscopy Today , Volume 25 , Issue 5 , September 2017 , pp. 73
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Copyright © Microscopy Society of America 2017 

Dear Abbe,

Lately, between social media and re-makes of old TV shows into movies, I’ve gotten this feeling that there isn’t any new or original material being produced. Is this a problem in your field also?

Cynical in San Jose

Dear Cynic,

Tatsächlich, I get that perception, too. I suspect that old Solomon was correct in stating that there is nothing new under the sun. I also get an itchy rash when I wear too much polyester, but we’re not talking about unfashionable fabrics, are we? It also seems that my latest young lab assistants have a peculiar style of horse sense. Big steaming piles of it. It’s hard work to get them to realize that there are several decades of published science before 1969, when library scientists starting scanning documents for digital retrieval. There are always new results being produced by science, but many times we end up reiterating what is already known. Someday I hope to cash in on this trend of repeating myself, if someone doesn’t beat me to it.

Dear Abbe,

I was rereading my biography of Paul Erdös and recalled how mathematicians covet a low Erdös number (1 = co-authored a paper with Erdös, 2 = co-authored a paper with someone who co-authored a paper with Erdös, etc.). Microscopy has many savants whose names would lend themselves to such measures. I myself have a Zaluzec number of 3! But I have never seen an “Abbe number.” Why is this?

Puffed in Peoria

Dear Puff-Daddy,

Personally, I have an Erdös of -1 since I got to know his parents while he was still an approximation theory waiting to happen. When he was just a boy, I sensed he was clearly a prodigy in mathematics. As a young man he was said to be an eccentric social practitioner of math, which makes sense after spending so much time with Uncle Ernst. The world isn’t ready for Abbe numbers since they are primarily irrational. Because of my long history of productivity (having moved on to running a product lab wherein my discoveries are proprietary and hopefully profitable), I frequently have to squash any potential Abbe numbers—sometimes with the Lab Bat when a bribe is insufficient.

Once you’ve stepped in the knee-deep residue of debatable science, it’s time to contact Herr Abbe to dig you out. Contact him ASAP at .