6 - An arranged marriage becomes a love match
Summary
Having faced challenges in her young life that would have withered a lesser person, Adolphine had acquired an equanimity that belied her youthful age. But she admits: “I was a late developer. Unlike my girlfriends I’d never had a boyfriend and I only started menstruating at seventeen. Although we were taught about human reproductive organs at school, sex education was unknown in Zaire, except when a girl came of marriageable age, which was very young in many cases. The subject of birth control, even for adults, was and probably still is taboo.
“But I was raised well and I appreciated how important it was for girls to protect their virginity. Those discussions my father had had with us during our gatherings in the family home when I was very young had stayed with me. He used to warn against teenage pregnancy: either the grandparents had to look after the baby, he’d say, or the girl would be a single mother, ‘because the boys are afraid to take responsibility’, he used to add. His warnings didn't stop me from dreaming about marrying one day and having two – at the most four – children. But when I turned nineteen and was old enough to get married, somehow reality didn't fit the dream. Part of my ambition had been to finish my education before getting married.”
Young men came to court the astute young woman with the forthright amber-eyed gaze and deep, calm speaking voice, but in their hurry to tie her down they scared her off. She chuckled at the memory: “After a while they would give up and go away.”
Adolphine first met Sepano after months of behind-the-scenes manoeuvring of which she was unaware. Sepano's family knew it would be difficult to be accepted into Nkudimba's family which included five attractive, healthy, well brought up young women. Nkudimba was a man of influence in the community, not only in Lubumbashi, but further afield as well. According to Adolphine he was respected, even considered noble by many for his political and humanitarian activities, but also feared to some extent because of his strong personality. Adolphine explained that culture also dictated rules concerning young unmarried girls in the family: “Generally Kasaians undermined girls, excluded them from discussions about important issues. The kitchen was your place, was how they felt”, she added wryly.
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- Information
- Escape from LubumbashiA Refugee's Journey on Foot to Reunite her Family, pp. 31 - 35Publisher: University of South AfricaPrint publication year: 2021