Published: Civil and Military Gazette, 7 November 1887.

Attribution: In Scrapbook 4 (28/4, p. 10).

Text: Civil and Military Gazette.

Notes: RK was not distinguished for an interest in music, as is suggested by his reference here to a non-existent ‘C’ string on the violin; nor do solo violinists play ‘overtures’. ‘East of Suez’ in the first sentence is the earliest known occurrence of the phrase in RK's work.

Reprinted in Kipling's India: Uncollected Sketches.

The title carries great honour and glory east of Suez and is much sought after. It is strictly personal; being neither hereditary nor transferrable. Unlike Knighthood, Orders and the like, it must be won through a man's unaided exertion, and, when attained, is by no means a secure possession, for another and a more fluent tongue may, at any moment, ravish it from the happy owner.

As virtue lost can never be recovered; so the proud name of “The Biggest Liar in Asia” once forfeited is gone for ever. Men have essayed to regain it with fifteen years’ mountainous mendacity, but they have failed. In the Illustrious and Most Dishonourable Order of the Bonnes Fortunes, the Grand Cordon is known and revered by all his associates. Equal honour is shown to “The Biggest Liar in Asia” when he condescends to do battle in public places against all comers for the honour of his name. Men flock round him three deep, or slide their chairs towards him, and, when occasion serves, thrust forward some local liar, a bantam of yet unproven beak, to engage with the adversary. Such encounters are worth travelling across an Empire to hear. They occur but seldom.

Almost as much instruction may be gathered from a meeting between Presidential Liars – squires, as it were, striving towards the full glory of knighthood. Such a tourney these eyes have been privileged to witness. The honour of Bengal and Madras was concerned, and the betting ran high. The meeting was strictly private, and if ever man was brought to the post – the smoking-room after dinner – in fit condition, the Bengal Representative was that man. But his very fitness went near to be his ruin. He spoke too quickly, covered too much ground, and the effect of his epoch-marking inventions was in a measure lost.